Welcome!

I could say this year is the great christmas year ever, for the first time after a loooong long time ago finally I'm going to church. I put myself together and make sure that I do this and only do this for Jesus Christ.
It was amazing feeling, you know when you come back home and it's like the door is already open for you. God is good.
Oh and gues what? I got a christmas gift!!




But...........................................
Most of all, I got an amazing gift that God gives to me on Christmas.
Hehe.
Nino is the best gift ever that God ever gives to me, I couldn't say more but he is the good one.
Finally celebrating the real Christmas with a boyfriend.

15th November is already behind us............
Guess what? I'm turning 20!
Yep, 20 without a mom or a dad. Good luck facing the rude world, shein.
My friend's da best, they made me this


And this is my new family, look!!! look up there! LMAO, let me introduce you guys. It's Nino Andreas, a new guy that I've been talked in the post before. Yap, so he's my new boyfriend. Awww.
Guessing that I'll be telling u about him? Nope. not now, next post maybe :p

I got so much freakin time in July. Up and down, roll over and over. I couldn't even open my eyes to the reality that I should face.

So this is what I got from July :

- July is the month where I meet my brother after our last meeting on 1st March when my father's passed away
- July is the month where my boyfriend, my mom, my brother come to me to celebrate Eid
- July is the witness of my effort when I looking for an internship
- This July is my first time join Sahur On The Road (SOTR) and it feels so great! You could shared each other a food to eat for whoever need it on the road
- July is a proccess. Proccess of me being mature
- This July is my first time seeing my mom with her new husband
- July is the month where my boyfriend, my mom, my brother come home. Sadly, my dad also at His home.
- I feel being a big sister this July, waking up my bro and serving food for him like a mom with her child
- I MEET NOVAN THIS JULY BUT IT'S ONLY FOR 1 WEEK. Yes. 1 Week. Actually I only meet him 5 days.

I think that's all.
Bye July....
Hello August, be nice

The first call..

Me  : I know you're calling me bcs your phone is already back after the closing ceremony right?
Him : Wtf how did you know that?!!
Me  : It's easy bcs I got a friend who told me that all of student will get their phone back on midday.
Him : That's cool. How is it going? How was ur college?
Me  : Everything's good and I have so much story to tell about.
Him : Well, I got mine too! Really, we need to meet asap. I need to go to the office on Saturday, I thought you free on that day? Do you?
Me  : Yes ofc, pick me up. We're gonna talk much.
Him : But, there will be like 4 or 5 intels around me while I'm in Jakarta.
Me  : Dafuq, should I date you with that fvcking guard?
Him : You might be won't see them but they'll see you
Me  : Whatever, but you don't need to be followed when you get to my home. That's annoying.
Me  : Wait, sorry we can't texting bcs I got no balance at all. Mom didn't transfer me yet.
Him : How to? Hold up a sec, I'll give you

I may say I'm not surprise at all, but I do appreciate and also happy bcs finally this relationship is still working. I thought I was the only lover.

The second call..

Me  : Thanks a lot!
Him : No worry, I still have much. You can call me and also text me when my phone is on.
Me  : Really, thank you. Did you miss me?
Him : Wtf is this question? I miss you a lot. A fvcking million time, I think about you everyday, worried that you won't be okay without me.
Me  : Really?
Him : Yes ofc!
Me  : Me not....................
Him : Oh. Well. That's okay.
Me  : No, you dumb. I'm just kidding. I texted you so much, did you get it?
Him : Not yet, the date setting isn't right.
Me  : Okay wait, I'm gonna call you. Ended the call and I'll call you back to save your balance

There's a lot topic more than this but I should shrink it bcs I'm a bit forget. It's a 20 mins conversation how can you remember that.

The third call..

Me  : Aye, what are you doing?
Him : Packing, prepare what to bring for tomorrow.
Me  : Can't wait to see you. Have you tell your dad?
Him : Yes, I asked him to pick me up in airport. Gonna fly at 7pm. Maybe meet you the next day.
Me  : Well, that's okay don't be in rush if you still busy. Eh, will you go to Bogor with your family or something like that?
Him : Umm, no. I don't know, I guess no.
Me  : I miss you, I want to had a long conversation laying in bed all day with you again.
Him : Me too ney, that's what I really wanna do this whole time.
suddenly his friend's voice appear and say
His Friend : Novan, are you calling your girlfriend. Ey novan's girlfriend, Novan already ask someone in the kitchen to let him have a girl that he could see to be his next girlfriend
Me  : WHAT?
Him : Shut the fvck up, I never said like that. How dare you are!
..................................
..................................
(the noise of him and his friend talking)
Him : Ney...
Me  : Hmm
Him : Ney, what's up? It's just kidding, you know me.
Me  : Hmm
Him : Okay, should I ended up the phone
*me ended call*'

Moodbreaker. BREAKER. That's okay you went to Makassar and reach your dream, but what was I heard ? Is that you? Ow. I hope not.
Then he called me right after I ended up the call.

The fourth call.. 
The fifth call...
The sixth call...
The seventh call...
The eight call...
The ninth call....

I rejected.

He text me later.

Him : Why didn't you answer my phone? Are you angry to me?
Me  : Your fvcking friend told that you're looking for a new???! Bitch you asshole
Him : I swear to the God I didn't that, you know there's no girl here, don't be silly. That's the way man to man kidding, you know that.
Me  : Whatever.
Him : I never did anything that you worried about, please don't blame me and creating a new problem. I swear I never did something fool. Do you trust me or them who just talking like that?
Me  : Whatever.
Him : Sorry.

We fight. It's the first time he called me that long but we fight. I thought I just need a rest, I already cried. That's okay, that is okay..

And guess what? We are not fighting anymore.
But I still wanna know the fact, lmao he must be know that I'm a detective.

Well, I just saw my friend's tweet and she said all of the student in SPN Batua gonna get their phone back.

No need too much wish in life, once you get what you need, that is enough! :)

 Let us see, will the phone back tomorrow? I just need to clear my room and also entire home bcs all of the things are messed up.

Tonight is a good night, I said tonight is a good night.


Lately I've been thinking about what happened in my life, such a great stuff even though i know they're sucks.
I'm growing up before I'm 20. I got all the problem comes up to the level I can't reach and it feels like I can't stand with my life no more. But suddenly I think about how good life is with all the things you love are around you. The person who I loved as much I love my self teach me everything that I can't get from my mind, he taught me how to gave what you had, whatever you had, to make everyone's happy specially the one that you love even you're not in mood with 'em.

It's the powerful love that can make you happy, it's the powerful love that can make you raising up and satisfied as hell. My power is come from everyone who loves me. Honestly, I just wonder why people couldn't say they love me directly? I mean, I'd like to hear that. It makes me like got powering up Hehehe.
No.. That's not kind of love that obsessed to be a boyfriend but just loves me as your friend. I still can't get over from Novan's love. Idk if it's fake or nah, as long as I stayed with this relationship I saw him so helpfully, see the answer next year when he's back from his military.



And now, I dedicated my whole life to my ownself and the Creator up there. Whatever I did, I do it for my goodness, and beside I do it for everyone's goodness. We can light up the world with helping each other without ashame, fear, worry about the feeling. Just go straight to be honest with your close friend whoever they are, they deserve it. Except the gossip's one. Make your heart clean up with a honest thought.

 I never wanna hurt everyone who I loved, I just want to be honest 

Mom, I might be not mature enough to live alone in this fvcking place, but thanks for giving me your trust to live and choose my own life, and yes honestly I still need you to feed me up ahahaha. Well, I hope you enjoy your life there with our new little family, and soon I'll bring your younger boy, my brother, to live with you there so he can feel how deep is your love and pay your mistake for not took care of him this whole time.

Legend says, when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream

Well, I never slept at night for a long time, probably I wake up in everyone's dream hahahahaha. It such a dumb thought but that's okay, I'll pretend like I'm okay with this Legend.

So... Nighty night dreamers.. Holly night readers~

As it says....
I got scholarship from my college

Lmfao, judge me for the title.

So, I just realize i love deer and it's growing everyday. Deer is my hallucinate friend, we all know that deer is just an animal. Yup but for me, it's the most prettiest animal I've ever seen then I'm starting to love deer. Why deer god? Why do u asking that question more than once? That's just a name. Why did you put God? Why are u so curious about what I'm talking about bitch.

When Novan went to his military I was trying to find some thing to keep me being busy and I had a lot of fun times with my bestfriends, we shopping, playing, singing, and did another stuff. But when I go home, I kinda confuse what to do at home, so I decided to make more artworks. Maybe they didn't great at all but I apreciate for my own artworks.

Baper means bawa perasaan or 'take it seriously'
I kinda feel it nowadays..
Everyone laugh at me, they pointed at me, they said im the drama queen.
I forgot how to not take it seriously, bc i know how much it hurt to me.
I love them, I care to everything happened with all of my friend even though sometimes i make it as a joke to cheer them up. But people pls grow up, this is a serious situation.
I feel lost.

Dad, if you can hear me, just take me away with you, I dont wanna be a bad girl, let me go with you.
Dont let me crying over night and waking up sadly.
Anyway, happy father's day dad!
Im sick, my body was broke, can you please heal me? Miss you

So.. we heading up, now here we are.
I'm at my home, in front of the PC all day. He just had a safe flight to Makasar.
I was on his home last night, to meet his parent and brother. To meet him of course.
I cry while our conversation just started, I can't imagine living my own world alone, I usually doing all together with you. You're my angel, a really angel without wings. Your smile lighting up my life, It shining from ur face.
Your eyes tell me everything, if you can stay you would stay. This is the fact that I should face at. I'm missing you already. Gonna love you for all the time, You're the best I've ever had.
You brought your phone to your study, even though we could only texting while you were on the road. It makes me cheering anyway, I kept my eyes opened even I sleepy as fuck, All I did is for texting you.
All the new things just begin. I should let my self face that I haven't got a father, my mom is somewhere, and my boyfriend is on his way. I believe that you guys would coming back, it's all just about the time.

And this is our last selfie before he leaves

I haven't any words to tell, I just hate mylife.
Dad, take me with you up there. I can't even imagine how life's go on after this painful.
Hardest part of my life, what can be worst than this?
Losing you, mom, and my beloved one.
Do you guys hate me or what? Can't we just live together? NO LEAVE.
I let my happiness gone, I did. And they're still called me selfish.
All I want is just to be around of people I loved, having diner, chillin, singing with you guys.
My life is disaster, I can't even stand anymore.

Let me tell you what I'm feeling now.
I'm not even ready to see he wearing a cops' shirt.
I don't eveeeeen like it, it changed him a lot.
To be honest i never wanna feel so fvcking sad just like what i feel today and the other days before.
All i did is just crying, worried, dizzy, and hate the fact that he's not gonna be with me for a long time.
Now everybody just gonna laugh at me, my happiness is gone, someone who i love the most is betray me with his dream. And the dream is just makin me so down and havin no benefit at all to me.


I can't stand with this anymore.
Say goodbye to my fvcking feeling, my fvcking happiness.

wassap!
just come back to blog bc had a lot to do work before, now guess whatttttttttttttttttttttt
IM GONNA BE ALONE bc my boyf is going to study 7 months in another island.
Damn God, u must be kidding me. No. That's the fact and i should face it.

We're cute, aren't we? lmfao
I'm trying to spend all of my time with him before he leaves, yeah so far it looks so good, the promise, the words, the kiss, the cuddle.
But seriously i can't even imagine that im gonna be a real loner for 7 months, I live by my own self bc my mom is already move to Bali with her new husband, and my dad is passed away on 1st March.

All I need to do is just believe but I never believe anyone anymore.
What if he cheated on me or forgetting me or maybe some worst thing happen?
Well, take care honey. I love you much. Don't u ever forget me.